One good friend

Tonight I watched six girls that used to be friends with my daughter walk right past her and ignore her. I saw her stand there, frozen and uncomfortable. I told her to go say hi and she, embarrassed, said "no, mom."

"Aren't you friends with them?"

" I don't know. They don't really talk to me anymore. They just talk to each other"

These are girls who have not had a fight with my daughter. I know many of their moms and have heard them tell me in the past how kind my daughter was to theirs and how grateful they are for her. She has never said a bad word about them, as far as she can remember. She has never done anything to them. But for some reason they refuse to acknowledge her. They don't invite her to do anything with them. They don't say hi. She is invisible to them.

I asked her later what happened. It is not a long story. They just started sitting together at lunch and slowly they started not talking to anyone who wasn't in their group. They started deciding who was cool enough and who wasn't. It hurts when the birthday party invitations don't come. It hurts when they all talk about their plans and don't remember that others aren't included. It hurts because they were friends and now she feels betrayed and left out. Alone, any one of these girls might talk to her, might be friends with her. But together, they act as a pack that has no room for anyone else.

It hurts. It hurts as a parent to watch my sweet, amazingly talented, loving, inclusive, creative, imaginative, kindhearted daughter be treated like dirt. It hurts that they just walked over her like she wasn't there. It hurts that she is hurt. And this one life that we get to live is fleeting; there is no room for hurting others in it.

One good friend. I always tell my kids that as long as they have one, true, good friend who will stick up for them and see them through thick and thin, then there is nothing else they need. They roll their eyes at me when I point to Frodo and Sam in the Lord of the Rings. (Side note: maybe that's why they don't fit in... because I make them watch Harry Potter and LOTR) When I point to Hermione and Ron or Anne and Diana. But truly, none of our main characters would have gotten far without a good friend or two. If they can find just one friend like that, they are set. So that is what we pray for. And that is what we help our children navigate. Because for some reason, despite all the goodness that we have a capacity for, humanity can often be so cruel. And discernment doesn't come from living in a world of comfort. Wisdom, growth, humility, kindness, gentleness - these things come from experience. It is not possible to tell the true friends without going through some of the false ones. I am thankful that she still has one or two good friends. And she is learning to tell the tinsel from the gold.

But, oh, how difficult it is not to rush in and save them! I am learning. I am learning that it is just what this world does and to take a step back and breath. I am learning that I simply cannot fix their little lives. To do so would be to rob them of precious growth. And I'm trying to prepare them to face the world despite all its imperfections. To still look for the good in people. To still smile. To take in the honey and dismiss the sting. To smell that beautiful rose despite its few thorns.

And I point them to the cross. To all the hurts that Jesus already overcame for us. I point them to God because he has fearfully and wonderfully made them. They are valuable, precious, and part of his amazing plan. He will absolutely work all things together for good; we just can't always see it on this side.

Heavenly Father,

Please show these children your face in the midst of their trials. Please guide them and help them to grow in wisdom and in knowledge of you. Please strengthen them. Please give them peace and comfort and the knowledge that you are always with them. Please help them to glorify you in their choice of friends. Help them to have kindness to those who hurt them. Help them to be confident and brave. Lord, they are yours. You are always with them and I am not. You are infinite in your power, wisdom, and goodness. I am so limited and short sighted. I entrust them to you again today. By your son's holy name I pray.

Amen